That is the essence of what the report (linked below) on sex is really telling us.
The excitement of sex, the orgasm, they are important too; as has already been mentioned in this post, the animal needs its due, and that is all part of giving it what it needs. But even if you consider it only for a moment it's easy to see why, even with what the animal wants, if there's connection then there's a great deal more likelihood that even this part will be shared, and worked in such conjunction with each other,and everything else involved (an inclusive inclusion that you strive for, but of course, never fully attain), that it becomes much more than two individuals simply doing what it takes to climax.
Connection. That's an easy word to bandy around with. It can mean a lot of things certainly. I mean it to convey getting into an involvement with a situation; a new moment of doing something; participating in something; anything you've chosen to do, hoping for some beneficial conclusion. If you can throw yourself into it with as much (contextually appropriate) abandon as possible, even to the point, sometimes, where you lose yourself for a time. That is being truly connected.
By now you'll be recognizing this as a common trait of those who do things that are a passion to them. Somebody who works with glass blowing. Somebody who loves working with wood. Somebody who likes tinkering with anything mechanical. Somebody who loves tending a garden. Etc. You could go on with sort of list for quite a while with the right imagination, the use of which, certainly, can also be a special connection. These people get into these activities and they then, often, lose all sense of time. There is only the feelings, and the textures of this particular connection, and what makes them right, and what makes them wrong, and so a happy conclusion of effort is usually the result because you follow what you feel. You have a garden that represents what you feel about gardens. You have a device that represents what you feel, about a particular flow of cause and effect, that is most appropriate to do what you feel is a good conclusion. Or you have a flow of glass that represents, at least for a moment, an amazing crystallization of color and shape, that you could touch before in your mind, even if you hadn't really seen it yet.
And I can tell you that this is an ability we all have at least a chance for. It is, however, something you need to practice at. Something you need to make habitual. And the nice thing is you can, without any physical effort at all. It's like meditation in one sense, in that you do want to try to turn off your inner dialogue. Stop all of that inner voicing of what you are thinking, and the running commentary on it. It is more than that here, though, because, in conjunction with it, you also try to picture in your mind, again, without words, all of the minute, as well as all of the things at a scale much larger than you, things going on as you sit there, ostensibly doing nothing. And to make this a bit easier I always start from the ground up; in a limited area around me, taking into account as much as I can remember of bacteria, mites, dust particles, chemicals that might be sloughing off as smells, movements directed by biological coding, or by temperature and pressure differentials; all of the various frictions not causing noise, as well as the ones doing so. And then working my way up and out, of where I am sitting, trying to imagine, and feel, as much as is possible, of what is actually, at that moment, going on, microscopically as well as macroscopically.
My favorite way to do this used to be finding a good spot in some woods, on a warm day, with the sun only partly on me, and of course, little prospect of being interrupted. Out in the woods, certainly, there is so much more that is easy to remember; all of the biota in the soil. All of the moisture, and chemicals percolating. Things moving ever so slowing in myriads of growing things. Vast arrays of hair thin channels moving water. Vast panel arrays of cells containing organelles, and chloroplasts of green chlorophyll pigments; photons hitting the proteins involved and causing reactions to inputs into something meaningful for more, very specific, interactive growth.
What happens here, in addition to getting a better sense of all of the scales of consideration you exist in, is an immediate sense of just how permeable so many, so called boundaries, really are. So permeable, and so insubstantial, when considered from the right perspective, that you start to get the feeling that maybe boundaries are a good deal more arbitrary, and subject to context than we've ever allowed ourselves to consider possible before. And I can tell you from experience, if you practice at reaching out and trying to feel as much of all of it as you can; trying to push past the boundaries that are there, and aren't there, at the same time, you will be very surprised at how connected with life you can become. Do this a while and I promise you that you will have a much better perspective on contemplating what "thoughtful, loving structure" is all about. It's something akin to the thrill one gets in experiencing the time machines that creating video at a million frames a second might provide, or doing video at only one frame every five minutes, or every hour, over an overall time span that is much greater, can provide.
It's not very practical to be doing this sort of thing all of the time, certainly, but it is a healthy discipline to try to stay with to the degree that you can; at least once or twice a week for at least 35 to 45 minutes.
The thing is, the more you try to connect, the more you want to connect. The more important it becomes to you. And the other thing is, the more you can work at extending your ability to imagine what is actually going on around you, the more you will be able to imagine what it is like for other people when they do the things that they do; which is, of course, the basis of empathy. And the thing there is you want empathy; you need empathy, actually, not so that you can necessarily forgive what others do, but that you can understand it at its causal base as much as is possible. Only then can you act, for the sake of practicality, with the best mix of information you are likely to ever get. A set of requirements that are, for me, an important part of working "thoughtful, loving structure."
Wow. Can you believe this. I led off with talking about sex and then switched it into meditation and philosophy. Boy. If that ain't bait and switch, I don't know what is. I must tell you, though, in all honesty. I have absolutely no shame whatsoever in having done this. Assuming, of course you're still reading, and haven't completely abandoned the thought of reading more of what I write. Otherwise, "never mind."
It's the cuddling, not the sex, that makes you happier
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